sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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