Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
