i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
