He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize