not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
