I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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