forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
