I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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