Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize