awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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