Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
