A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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