I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
