hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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