Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
