found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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