I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
