that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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