respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
