I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
