GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
