yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
