we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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