not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
