I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
