I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
