I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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