Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
