He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm passing your future prison.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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