So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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