you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
