His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
