My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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