So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
