My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
