sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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