I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
