When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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