living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
