a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
