i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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