I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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