I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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