just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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