I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
