You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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