you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
