well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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