Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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