I wish I could punch you in the face.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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