the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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