Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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