Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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