oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
