The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
