My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
