I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
