chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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