Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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