So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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