I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Never joke about your clitoris.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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