I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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