Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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