i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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