Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
