So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
