i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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