just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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