What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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