Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize