Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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