I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
