Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
