I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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