just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
